Free tool · Site roast
Roast my WordPress site.
Paste a URL. Get a brutally honest roast of its speed, SEO and plugin pile, based on real Google data. Then the fixes.
🔥 The roast.
🛠️ What to fix first.
Share the damage.
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Scores come from Google PageSpeed Insights (mobile). A roast takes 20–60 seconds. It’s for fun and for fixing: the jokes are about the site, never the people behind it.
New · My first WordPress plugin
RoastPress
This page roasts your site from the outside, the way Google sees it. RoastPress roasts it from the inside: plugins, PHP version, security settings and database junk no URL check can see. You get a Roast Score out of 100, then the fix for every roast.
- About 30 checks across security, speed, SEO and hygiene
- Fix First: your top three fixes, each linked to the right wp-admin screen
- Runs on your server. Nothing about your site leaves it
Free and open source (GPLv2). It’s waiting on wordpress.org review, so grab the beta zip for now. View the code on GitHub.

How the roast works
What the roast checks
Paste any public URL. The roast pulls your site’s mobile scores from Google PageSpeed Insights, then turns them into plain English and a list of what to fix first.
Speed
Google’s mobile performance score, how fast your main content shows up (Largest Contentful Paint), and old scripts like jQuery that slow you down.
SEO, accessibility, best practices
Google’s mobile score for each, so you see what search engines and screen readers struggle with on your site.
Your plugin pile
Which theme and plugins load on the page. Every one of them costs speed, so the roast counts them.
Is the roast free?
Yes. Paste a URL and roast it. No signup needed.
Where do the scores come from?
Google PageSpeed Insights, tested on mobile. Mobile is what matters, because Google indexes the mobile version of your site first.
How long does a roast take?
Usually 20 to 60 seconds, depending on how heavy the site is.
Can I roast a site that isn’t mine?
Yes. Any public website works, competitors included.
What’s the difference between this tool and RoastPress?
This tool sees what visitors and Google see. RoastPress runs inside WordPress and checks what they can’t: outdated plugins, your PHP version, a user called “admin”, database bloat. Use both.
Are the jokes about me?
Never. The jokes are about the site, not the people behind it.
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